Beata Leyland
Business Owner & Author of this article
During the business gatherings what is evaluated is your potential to bring connections and money to others, you as a business persona not you as a spouse, mom, friend, colleague and so many times we forget about it.
Intrigued ?
This article is not only for the holiday season, rather for any season when you struggle with who you are.
Few months ago, I’ve seen a great post from Steve Barlett DOAC about visible burnout in founders.
The post was about enormous pressure, mental problems and the feeling of being trapped and lost.
Hard to not have such a feeling while your income is unstable, you constantly need to be on watch for what is happening with the market and you are the subject of countless questions, sales pitches thrown at you etc.
It’s very easy to get overwhelmed and let your nervous system get out of the control.
I bet all of us can relate.
The fun part is that I write this article in the period of my professional life where I should be lifted and extremely proud, yet what I truly feel is anxiety.
This happens to all Founders behind closed doors when we remove our perfect smiles to look great for marketing campaigns.
I’ve never understood executives who in their free time isolate themselves and spend as much time among family, friends and nature. From the employee point of view, I’ve thought how proud they must be to be so successful and this must be an integral part of their life.
Now I understand.
When you spend unhealthy time thinking about company, what you are building, how, and with whom you start to become a company and that is very unhealthy.
Losing your own identity as a person almost.
It requires a lot of self-control and consciousness to understand that people who you meet perceive you as a business partner not you in private.
Drawing the line where your work life starts and private life begins is crucial not only for you but also for your business partners.
I took part in a gathering recently.
So many talented people, freelancers, business owners.
All ambitious, hungry for success and so many different approaches to the event.
Some focused on their presentation only, some on selling, some on networking as their presentation was rather basic.
As a result, I could observe
people who clearly were eaten by stress and their own ego,
people who have good time,
people who preached ethics while having nothing ethical about them.
How is such gathering different from a community event?
From the first glance the difference is marginal as everyone has a goal to be there, to do their best and try to make as many connections as possible, bring value.
Yet, something absolutely crucial is not visible from the first glance.
During the business gatherings what is evaluated is your potential to bring connections and money to others, you as a business persona not you as a spouse, mom, friend, colleague and so many times we forget about it.
The most popular person is not this one with the best performance but the one who shines in the way convenient for us.
Subconsciously we know it but conveniently we try to redirect our way of thinking.
Don’t get me wrong I am not a chronic sociopath, simply for me such gatherings are a special example of a calculative way of thinking.
Of course, I would like to believe that I did great job, but if I know I did, what for I need confirmation from others?
These confirmations in the end are about them and their sales pitch which sooner or later will be presented as we are there not to make friends (maybe overtime with some people).
As an employee when you are sent on business trips your role is different.
Yes, you network, but on someone else’s behalf.
You can clearly separate yourself from the crowd as you as a person and you as an employee.
In networking events and conferences, you are the company, so you take everything personally and of course your ego is more vulnerable than ever.
That’s why it is important to be kind to all no matter the results but also remember to don’t take personally anything what was said because it’s about what others can take out of you not about you.
It’s easy to be defeated in such situations because you can easily see that you made mistakes.
It is far more difficult to do a good job as the other because you will feel cold stares or congratulations on you, but also plenty of business pitches and you really need to see through and put yourself in the observer position to don’t lose track and visibility.
As a result, after a few such gatherings a few days of rest are needed to come back to reality with your shoes on the ground.
It’s almost like mourning your business persona to find a way to your private soul again.
So many times, I hear from people how tired they are after business networking and yet so little of them have such an attitude towards such meetings.
That’s only one example, but you as a Founder/boss at work is almost the same situation.
People rely on you, your expertise, tone which you will set for company, your attitude, and your human approach which is of course less formal than business events but still is there.
In this case the only people who can tell you that you screwed up are your family, friends, maybe honest employees but for the most part you do your own appraisal review.
The paradox here is that, now I see how much more difficult it is to appraise yourself as a boss.
How do you even perceive yourself as a so-called boss?
Do you acknowledge own progress?
Many of us treat all what we gained as know-how for granted and burnout long-term.
Of course, it is cool to call the shots even with dealing with all consequences but how difficult it is to remember who we are under all the layers of roles which we have.
How important it is to not forget who we are.
My most nasty moments as a Founder were either business gatherings as such events simply drain me to the core or when I obsessed about results so much that I forgot about birds outside of my windows, my garden, my family, and myself.
Now I fully understand what Steve Barlett wanted to express by saying all business owners suffer mental problems as it’s hard to detach from the tangible project that costs you so much time, money, effort and sacrifices.
The worst what we can do is to detach from our core who we are and think that we and company are one.
What we hear in business meetings is all about us not others, and that nobody is to replace us at home and during parties with our friends.
Whatever helps you to get grounded should be exercised frequently otherwise you will not face a burnout but serious mental breakdown.
This article is like talking to my closest friends, so feel free to be my fellow colleagues which came through the same and sometimes despite so many successful stories feel lost, misunderstood, lonely and detached from yourself.
All is about perspective but let’s face the truth:
it’s easy to lose clarity of mind and empathy towards yourself while being overloaded by work, messages, appointments etc.
I’ve never studied more about mental health than being a Founder.
Think about it next time when you will be tempted to work all your holidays or think about work.
You need to rest and have a clear mind and healthy body if you want to have a company.
We think about business in a complex,
holistic way
that’s why so many of our clients stay with us longer
because they know that they can tell us everything and we will not use it against them to generate profit no matter what.
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